To Be Tough Thursday

Our autism journey

The recycle of life keeps happening for us. I don’t even know how else to explain it. Something I thought we were done with is back in full action again. For the longest time Owen would take my hand, more accurately my finger, and then use it like it was his own. He wanted me to open apps or do a certain action on a screen he was working on. Like circles and lines were hard for him to draw, so he would have me do it for him. For awhile he did them all himself, now he is back to having me do this again. Today he was taking my hand and having me open the apps. I had to do it a certain way and at a certain time. The process feels sensory to me. Like he is getting the stimulation he needs by the process itself. It’s like how he repeats something over and over again to hear the sounds and learn the reaction. He will stim as the process goes on. His stimming consists of different body moments and sounds he will make. Generally, his right arm is forward, in a V pattern, making a fist. His left behind his body, outstretched, but also making a fist. The right foot beating the ground or he is jumping up and down. He makes a constant EEE sound and then breathes heavy at the end. This process is different, but has similarities to when he goes into meltdown mode. Stimming is more to help regulate his senses and meltdowns are when things become overwhelming to him. Owen has taught me so much about the world and how I see things. The sights and sounds of the world can be both beautiful and overwhelming. As I sit hear listening to Owen sing, I’m thankful. He is amazing, he has come so far, and he will accomplish great things. Life is not about the finish line, but all the steps we take to get there. Some days I’m sad, some days I can’t move forward, some days all I do is see the beauty around me, but every day I’m thankful and keep pushing ahead. Being kind to yourself can be one of the hardest things to do, but allowing yourself to be human and move forward is what we should all do. Start today. Positive words and positive actions equals a positive life. Make today matter. Smiles to all and donut daze!

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