I used to spend a lot of time worrying about how other people judged me. My clothing choices and my speech were appropriate. It fit well, and I didn’t say too much. What I meant is that this person must think I’m too enthusiastic about everything.
That person must think you aren’t very fun, and the thoughts they had about you were worse at certain times. When I was presenting in a work meeting, or when I was at a social event. It was so hard to stay in the present, and the noise of the crowds and the other people’s chatter made it even harder to stay focused.
It would make a great conversation starter at a party or dinner. What others say about you doesn’t matter; all that matters is what you feel in your heart. And you’ve often told yourself that you didn’t have those things. You don’t have to be perfect or even remotely close to it to be happy.
I’d practice them and polish them so they look like shiny marbles, and then I’d put them in my pocket. It was exhausting. I do this now, to a certain extent. I have an inner pattern that is difficult to break, and I am now able to recognize it and reframe my inner dialogue.
I understand the truth because I’ve seen it in my own life. It’s the truth that has been proven by research over the years.
Nobody is thinking that much about me. Because we mostly think about ourselves.
I don’t believe it. Do you still think that the people around you are spending a lot of time thinking about everything you do and say?
Scientific evidence that we mostly think about ourselves
You probably think more about yourself than any other person on the planet, but there is actually scientific proof that most of us do. What? There are more words in the English language than the number of stars in the universe. How do they have time to study all this stuff?!
They found that 78% of conversations were about personal things, which include talking about ourselves and our perceptions of the world. As they say, the number one function of conversation is that it allows people to get to know each other better and exchange important information.
The first step in improving your sales skills is understanding that people talk mostly about themselves. The authors of this study, Tamir and Mitchell, showed that most people do something called “anchoring.” It is a kind of cognitive bias in which people “anchor” their inferences to their own experiences.
I am uncomfortable in crowds, especially when the weather is bad. So when someone describes a big party they attended, you assume they were describing a bad experience.
Even if you don’t enjoy large parties, you still need to attend them. You want to impress potential clients at events and you never know when they might be impressed enough to ask for your help, or you may be invited to a future event with them.
There’s been recent research that shows that everyone’s always thinking about themselves. There is a brain region (MPFC/DA 10) called “the default mode network”. When your brain is resting and not engaged in external demands it will be working on its own. Their research confirmed that it is the same area that lights up when we think about ourselves.
In other words, our brain’s default is to think about ourselves.
This is a fact we must all remember. We talk about ourselves more than anything else. We assume that other people have the same experiences as us. We are hardwired to think about ourselves when we’re not engaging with other external demands. It’s a self-centered thought process. That’s why we’re the best in the world.
So when you feel judged, it’s because you’re judging yourself
The next time you’re feeling discouraged or unhappy about something, think for a moment about your own flaws or shortcomings, then ask yourself if you have any reason to feel that way. If someone gets worried because they think I’m too intense, tell them, “You’re not. You’re just intense.
I’m not sure if my boss thinks I’m doing a good job at a presentation at work. Are you actually thinking that you’re the only person who can be a great leader? If so, I can tell you that isn’t true. But are people judging me the same way? The biggest truth is that we never know what others are thinking, so we should always try to see things from their point of view.
I don’t get that much traffic to my blog, but the people who do read it know what I think about them. Or anything else related to themselves. You could also add something negative or positive about yourself in the same sentence. You’d be surprised how many people who have positive self-talk and keep that in mind.
Because it’s very difficult to know what’s going on in the minds of other people. We’ve all heard the “no one is born a leader” saying. Well, according to Dr. Adam Grant, author of Originals. I’m just curious. I like to know how people think about me. It’s a good way to learn more about others.
Sometimes people will say judgmental things, but it’s not what you think
Of course some people will judge you, say mean things to you, and think negative things about you. It happens all the time. You’re right. We’ve all been on the internet. I have always wanted to start my own business. I have always known this and always wondered what that would look like.
And I’m not really sure if this is true or not. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to get to the bottom of this. But, really, the research from the Tamir & Mitchell paper (and others) says that people use their own thoughts and experiences as an “anchor” for their assumptions about other people.
What I’ve seen is that people are often the harshest and most judgmental about parts of other people that they are insecure about in themselves. Never take it personally. It’s always important to keep your thoughts and emotions positive.
If you let it, it will define you. If someone says he/she’s an excellent writer, what do you think of that person? Is this really true, or is this just someone’s opinion?
What negative thoughts do they have about themselves that “anchor” their belief about you?
The absolute freedom in realizing that nobody is thinking about you
The majority of people’s thoughts are about themselves. Imagine being able to be free from all the thoughts that come your way and to just focus on doing. This is what you’re looking for. It means, that if I’m working, I can choose to believe whatever I want about how I did.
It means, I can wear whatever I want and accept that I like the outfit. The possibilities are endless. This shift might not happen overnight. That may be true. But that’s a risk worth taking, because everything in life is a chance to improve your life.
But the next time you feel judged, don’t just get defensive. You can easily let these mean thoughts get you down and bring you low, but when you take time to remind yourself that you are a great person. A friend once told me that she knew what her boyfriend was thinking because he always looked upset when she was around.
But it is unlikely to be about you. And more likely to be about themselves. Anything you say, good or bad. I’m aware that there’s a lot of stuff going on in my mind, and I’m willing to deal with it.