Jack Of All Trades, Master of None

I can’t even call myself that. It’s frustrating.

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I was the smartest 5 years old kid. I was able to write a sentence way before the others even knew the alphabet. Growing up, I was told that I was so talented at a lot of things in elementary school. I had amazing grades, I won a few acting competitions, I was part of an exclusive english club. I was the 1st rank on the graduation day and no one seemed to be surprised by that result.

Junior high school was not so different, it was easier even. People called me a genius; I did not need to study to get a good score in exams. I slacked off quite a lot because I did not have anything to pursue, I was content with my so called ‘achievement’. I mean who would not feel that way when you got all the grades, Olympiad trophies, teachers’ acknowledgement without any real effort.

Senior high school began with me being offered to join an acceleration class, considering my IQ. I declined that offer since I hate rushing my life. Instead, I did not even care to pay attention to my teacher. I skipped class lots of time. I hung out with my friends every single day. There was something that took my interest in senior high school though, it was one and only debate. I think I was so invested in debate that I can hardly recall any other interesting part of my high school life. Yet, if you were to asked me whether I put every effort that I had in me that time in debate, I’m afraid that the answer is no, not. at. all. I know you can guess it by now, but I will still tell you that yes, I achieved quite a lot in debate for my amount of effort.

All those years spent with me being complimented by everyone. Some people even envied me because how easy life was for me that time. I’m not going to lie, I was really arrogant back then, although I played it really well making sure no one hated me, I exceled in acting remember? I recognized myself as a high class jack of all trades. On a scale of one to master of a skill, I was at the very least 7 at every majors. Literature, music, math, biology, physics, common knowledge, sports, social life, personality, you name it.

Then, college admission hit me, hard. I did not have any idea where to go in the first place. I was good in everything, I did not have any passion to be pursued, and I was never a master of anything, not in a way I want to learn about that particular major further taking it as a challenge. Suddenly I felt envious of those who have one major they passionately wanted to focus on, or those that understand exactly what major they’re mastering at, or even I envied those who had only one choice because that choice was the only major they could possibly enroll in.

That was the first time I hated to be called jack of all trades.

Long story short, I finally came into a decision to enroll in medical faculty. No special reason, it was just my pride taking control of both my heart and mind. You know, all those “I’m smart and I have no passion, why not enroll in this particular faculty that people thought is the hardest and most prestigious one” reasoning. I was also afraid that people might get surprised if I were to be accepted at an unfamiliar major or university.

It might sound silly, ridiculous, childish, and anything to decide your life path focusing on how people will see you, but when you lived my life, you will realize that the only thing that made you feel proud of yourself was how great people think you were. You never had your passion or goal. You only had those titles people gave you to hold onto, genius, jack of all trades, smart, talented, and all other flattery words. Thus, you started to convinced yourself that you were all those words, you began to put less effort because you had the belief that it is what genius people do. You began to let go of anything that possess possible failure because you thought talented people never fail. You became less and less of yourself.

Regardless of all those thoughts, here I am, enrolling in medical faculty of a well-known university. Being a medical student, surrounded by all those talented geniuses around me, I realized that I was blind my entire life. I thought too highly of myself back then. I faced failure after failure after failure. I even almost failed to stand back up again. I just could not do anything right. I kept on failing even though I put effort into stuffs. I felt dumb. I seemed to fall way behind the others for almost everything.

Jack of all trades, I can’t even call myself that now. It’s frustrating. But then, after going through so many failures, I finally gave more time to think about myself and how was my life going so far. I can proudly share with you 5 things I learned from this story.

1. Sometimes failure is the most effective way to make you have a clearer view of reality.
2. Titles are not always a great thing. It might become the reason why you lose yourself, most of the time.
3. I’m currently frustrated and I think it is good to be frustrated. Be frustrated that you do not know enough about lots of stuffs. Be frustrated that you do not try hard enough. Be frustrated that you have yet reached your goal. That way you will pump up to try harder.
4. Do not get frustrated for losing any titles. Check number 3 for the reason.
5. Take your time to learn about yourself, looking back is not always a bad thing. Do not regret your past, learn.

Thanks for investing your time here. I hope you enjoyed them.

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