Is it Wednesday

Our autism journey

Nothing prepared me for this. Nothing. Sleepiness nights are all part of having a child, but with autism this is a whole different world of no sleeping. We’ve been up since two. Owen got in bed with me and immediately started kicking me and pressing on me. A few head bangs and some hits later, I knew I had to stop his behavior. Correcting a child with autism is not as easy as it might seem and last night it made it worse. The screaming. The screaming really is hard. As long as it has been happening it still is the unexpected noise that makes me beg him to stop. Every emotion is thrown at you in a split second. All I said to my child was, if he didn’t stop kicking me he would go to his bed. The screaming. It started. It truly jolts you. It’s six now. We haven’t been back to sleep. He came and sat with me and said “oooh sowwy”. Then he took his hands, grabbed hair on both sides on my face and said “I wuv ewe”. These things make me know how hard this is on him. The internal struggle he must go through is daunting to me. I am beyond upset about last night, thankfully these nights are rare in the grand scheme of things, but they are the ones that leave that lasting impression, the ones that make me question how I handle the next time, because I know there will be a next time. When the screaming began it was like a silent movie started playing in my head reliving the last times this happened. What did I do right, what did I do wrong, knowing that each time the rules change, and like me, the only thing my baby wants is comfort in his soul. For every word I write there are thousands, if not more, of families that go through the sleepless nights with autism. My heart aches from the pain my baby goes through. Learning how to find peace for my child is my mission, letting families know they are not alone is part of my drive. I don’t have the answers, I only have the questions, but I will keep pushing until things are more clear. Everyone’s got something. Love, compassion, and understanding is what we all need. Smiles to all and donut daze!

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