How to Heal a Family Relationship
In each family tree, you will find some branches bear fruit and some have dried out. Sometimes, the branches dry out when they do not receive nourishment from the tree. Regardless of why some blossom in the spring and others don’t, they all share the same roots. Personally, my own family values are flourishing as I am reconnecting with members I have not seen in almost 10 years. I have built my courage to be the first to reach out and rebuild our relationship. As I connect with the rest of the tree, many memories and emotions rush to the surface of my awareness. To put it in perspective, think of moments you spent with someone you knew a long time ago. As you reconnect with them, a wave of nostalgia passes through you and it all starts to come back to you.
When communication is dormant between one another, clarity cannot birth into the relationship. Having constant and clear communication is crucial for it to grow. Although nothing parallels face to face communication, it is not always necessary. You can still communicate in ways that can provide a safe common ground for everyone to meet on. The outlet of your communication is not always the vital cornerstone. Whether you communicate from your mouth or your keyboard, it must be genuine, truthful, and loving. Your main points must be clear and precise for others to understand. Going on rants or tangents can confuse the other person and defeat the purpose of what you’re saying.
Say what you need to say to those who you love. Go into your heart to retrieve it, not your mind.Do it now because life goes by in a flash. At this point in my life I can feel the gravity of this truth. Yesterday I was wearing diapers and today I am driving a car with a mustache!
“ Stop digging up the fossils of your past. Only your memory is the fuel that you can retrieve from them” — Rinor Jani
Putting Our Past Aside
In many families, the past can be a huge factor of breakdowns and divisions. But by living in an extinct era, you restrict yourself from being in the present reality with them. It is easy to think that people “Don’t change” or that people are the same as you last saw them. Yet, it is important to stop holding the past against your family. Change is inevitable and although it may not be visible it does not mean that it is nonexistent. Personal transformation begins from the inside-out and it is not always seen with the naked eye.
Even if their personality has not changed, it does not mean you have to interact with them as you did in the past. If you repeat your actions you will repeat the same outcomes. Being the “bigger” person requires the emotional maturity that will help you rise above the negativity. Sometimes you have to think about how your mature actions will help you in the long run and not the short run. It’s not always about where you are but instead where you’re about to go. Instead of nitpicking what you don’t like about others, practice looking past that to find the good in them. Viewing others with eyes of compassion and love will help you to see past their flaws and problems. Even if their best qualities are not clear on the outside, they are still there. You may have to search a little bit to find them, but rest assured you will.
Putting the Pieces Back Together
Mother Teresa would say “ Love begins at home…”. Her point is that you don’t have to go far away to help those in need. Instead, begin at home and in your families wherever you are. Take the opportunity to reach out to the “most unloved” in your family and offer your love and care. If you can’t verbally reach out send them a card, ask someone else to deliver your message for you, or pray on their behalf. You can still keep the communication and connection going on a soul level. You don’t have to personally reach out for the healing to internally begin. Allow your connection to go beyond your body and mind.
Whether your support is accepted or not, be courageous enough to offer it to them. You may not know what they are facing behind closed doors. Not every war is battled on the ground because for many it is fought in the heart. Your care and support could save their life or help them to create a better one for them self.
Think of Those Who Will Come After You
Throughout the family lineage, there are patterns and pathologies that are silently carried down from each generation. They are silent because they are the subconscious part of the family. Understanding them will help you to learn how you have become the person you are today. It will also help you to let go of the negative ones too. The key is you have to save yourself first before you try saving others. Most importantly, keep in mind is that it’s not all about you or your current family. It is about how every single generation that comes after you. In other words, every new branch that grows from the family tree will feel the impact of your decisions now. The dynamic of your family is the foundation that the future family members will stand upon.
“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.”
― Richard Bach
Family is Family
The concept of family is not always a traditional one with a mother, father, and child. Family can be a community, a place, an animal, etc. We do not have to be connected by blood to be connected in spirit. We are all connected spiritually and this bond goes beyond body and blood. If your family is in heaven or you did not have one consistently around, it does not mean you can’t have a spiritual family. The beauty of it is that it has no restrictions or a normal image. It is limitless.The first step is to think of spiritual family members that you would want to be around more. If you already know a few in mind, make a greater effort to allow them into your life.
Today, open your heart and reach out to your family members to offer your love and support. Click the claps button 👏 below to help others too.
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